hehe, again i say, nothing like being drunk and listening to techno. All the cares of the week and world drift away. nice
I wish there was some sort of thing to draw with on this. I feel like I cant
express myself in words. Words are so cold and silent. They are such ugly
little shapes, too perfect. Art is different, nothing to read, just an
experience.
I havent written here in a while, I feel like ive lost touch with myself.
Today is the first day of the shift. When the wall flips around and everything
is different until it changes back. I had the usual dream, I dont even want to
type her name or get into it.
I havent masterbated in three days and have only had a handful of sleep due to
my brother coming home for the weekend and staying up till really late and me
waking up for weekend school.
Even though i have to wake up at 7am tomorrow I know I will sleep good because
he left and all is quiet now.
I miss Lubbock, it would just be starting to cool off now, always the
comforting wind to blow sand in your face and remind you that you are still
alive, and no humidity, just fresh dry air. I miss driving those 6 hours at
night with no one around for miles and only the cd player and cigarettes to
keep me company. Or driving off the plateau and seeing semi-desert out for
miles as the sun sets at your back. The sun projecting deep orange shadows on
the dash. Lonely trees. Stopping when your legs become numb and taking a piss
on the side of the road. Sitting on the rest stop bench in the middle of
nowhere, sipping a gatorade and smoking a cigarette. Entering the dull red
lights that are Lubbock, smelling the air. Parking in the lot and realizing the
drive is over. Getting out, getting the bags, walking into the florescent
brightness, pulling out id card to open door, takeing elevator to 6th floor,
small familiar room and smell. Turn on the lights and look out at the dull red
street below or out into the vast darkness. Finally sleep, laying down on the
small bed, rest to the sound of the microfridge or people roaming the halls.
Its painful to spend your life chasing a feeling