September 2004
August 2004
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May pt.I 2004
April 2004
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Febuary 2004
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December 2003
November 2003
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November 2001
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June 2001
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January 2001
December 2000
August 2000
July 2000

Not everything is perfect


I watched Bowling for Columbine today. It was kinda wierd. The director/main character Michael Moore goes around the country in search of answers to a variety of questions centering on violence and America.

He has many intresting opinions presented as facts through subtle manipulation of the viewers emotions by means of cartoons and a myriad of audio and video clips. It was kinda hard to wade through. I had to keep a mental dialogue going on to sift through some of the BS mind control techniques, but I believe he did have some good points.

Yes, perhaps America is a dangerous nation where people do not feel so safe around one another and this is mostly due to the mainstream media plucking needles of tragedy out of an enormous haystack of happiness and mediocracy. The media shines a light on death, fear and anger while leaving all the good and mundane things in life in the shadows. This is what makes America what it is.

Moore finds answers to his questions, but leaves the viewer with no action to take. No road to follow. In fact he ends his work bitterly. He presents the death of a 6th grader by gun to the head of the NRA. It seems so pointless, I fail to see what kind of change he is trying to effect. He was trying for something, but there is nothing good about it. He merely arms the viewer with a vague hatred towards various entities and sets them loose. He hands out metaphorical guns to anyone who watches his work and gives them no instruction on how to use them. Filling people with fear and anger towards violence and various aspects of their own country is not good.

I felt like he came into my house, entertained me for a while, then wiped shit all over my walls and left.

Please Mr. Moore, allow me to clean all that shit up.

Lots of bullshit might be going on around you, but you are not helpless. You must believe that you as an individual have the power to change everything that you experience first hand. There are wars in far away places, people around you do bad things; you must learn that you do not exist in these places, your mind is your own. You are you, existing here. So forget about everyone else, find things that make you happy and pursue them. Ignore everything you do not have control over, it is just useless garbage that gets in the way of personal freedom.

Once you ignore the bullshit you can focus on yourself and effect change as an individual against nothing. A wall of empty air, an empty field. Light, the physical confines of your body.

Ignoring things outside of your control that do not effect you directly is bliss.
If you are not in bliss, then you might just be too aware of what is going on around you.
I believe the answers to all questions lie at the point where the edge of a blade of grass meets the void.



Ah, what a nice weekend. I am fully charged and ready to go to work tomorrow.

I found that little moment where you aren't doing anything really. I haven't seen it in a long time. It is constantly fleeting, but you can catch for a few moments without any effort at all. A moment where you just breathe.

I can be a statue, I can feel presense of my eyelids, the solidness of my thumb and forefinger lightly touching. The peaceful nothingness of an upturned palm and fingers spread weightlessly apart. Each sensation utterly independent of everything else. It is like this for only one moment but it is loose, clean and pure.

Can you feel it too?



Wooooo. Catch up time. I have been working a lot lately.

I haven't had a day off work in 12 days and got to do a fun 10 hour shift of Saturday and Sunday. With time and a half for over time my paycheck says I've worked 149 hours for the past two weeks, which is just totally insane. Seeing a check for a few grand for just two weeks of work is pretty cool.

I still love the job. I felt a little burnt out on Monday, but strangly I got more energy/enthusiasm towards work as the week and pushed on. Good stuff.

To treat myself for these two weeks work fest I ordered a bunch of stuff for my car, cold air intake, new plugs and wires, diagnostic chip and shift kit. Im also gonna get some shiny black corvette z06 rims later on.

They keep showing these Rocky movies on TV, damn Rocky is badass. Its all about getting your ass kicked in the begining but overcoming internal and external obstacles and coming out on top in the end. A very universal concept.

Nothin much else goin on. This weekend is gonna kick ass, I can't wait to gimp around the house and finally have some time to relax.