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I feel the urge to write this.

I am severly drunk right now. Ive haad so many exoeriences today.

Ive been awake since 7am, I went with my parents to my grandparents ranch. My grandadad is barely alive. He was hardly able to talk to us. It was good to see him though. It reminded me that we all must die someday. We are born with timers counting down.

After arriving home at about 8pm I came togather with serveral comrades. Mike, Bjoy, My brother and Gary. We made plams to have a party at Garys house/trailer.

After goig to the beer store we wemt tjere at about 10pa. It was ccoll. Gary's girlfriend, i cant remember her name, she felt my semi-erect cock. It felt good, its the closest ive come to having sex so far. Gary's grl is hhoot, wich made the experience more enjoyable.

Man i drank so much tongiht. I feel good. O had two dos equis which mesed me up a little, then i had a lot of bud light. Finally I had a few swags of golchlager (the liquer with gold in it). That golchlager fucked me up to my present state. I literally see double.. Its bad (as in good) im listening to techno now, 100.3, its bad ass, its flowing through me.

Hehe, after documenting all the events of today I will resume life :)

Best wishes to all


Cant wait for school to start in 3 days. Im bored. I havent been able to find any fulfilling activities. My mind is starting to do strange things to make up for its lack of use.

For example: Im starting to see mathmatical patterns to everything around me. I figure the creation of things has a mathmatical basis. Its hard to put into words, its more of a general understanding I get when i look at certain things around me.

Im looking for something I can sink into and focus on for a long amount of time, but instead I find myself persuing activities i dont sink into. As a result ive been skipping all over the place.

Usually ill do a couple solid activities like study for 5 or 6 hours, be at school the rest of the time. Today ive done countless subactivities.

Maybe this diary thing will help me, I can focus on this, it seems somewhat rewarding. Look im producing something. It feels good to produce things even if they aren't used.

Im gonna write something now


It was a cold, dry october night. A large red moon had just risen over the box shaped lifu trees. It was time for them to shed again. They began to shimmer against the sharp red moonlight.

Hiru thought to himself, "where will i go tonight?". Hiru felt as if he had just been born, a clean slate. There were no memories of the past, only his feet sinking into the cracking earth and the cool red light shining on his hands. His breath was very important to him. Hiru gazed at the lifu trees. An odd feeling struck him. He felt as if he had been standing in this place forever.

Hiru began to walk towards the distant shimmering emerald fern oasis. His steps, almost silent, for the desert was flat, dry and hard. Like cold tile he felt back.........somewhere.

A lone Chikada rang out in the silent red night. Reee.reee.raaaa. To Hiru it seemed out of place, yet strangly comforting. He wanted to find the source of the sound and capture it somehow, to put it inside him forever.

As he approached the emerald ferns out of the darkness and low green sound of light flushed across his grey eyes.

These thoughts and images were his life on Erudia. But somewhere, something was missing, Hiru could feel it. It was in his belly somewhere, a vague feeling. Sometimes at night he could feel like everything was there, tonight it wasnt.

From the emerald ferns he gazed again out to the dry, flat desert. Far in the distance he saw the lifu trees, their sheddings slowly floating across the red moonlight. The contrast between the low dull red desert, the emerald ferns around him and the rusty moonlight brought something togather. The missing piece filled itsself in.

Hiru thought it silly that such peace and completeness was so easy to grasp and laughed loudly into the silent night. For he had spent many days traveling to the farthest reaches of his land seeking a vague missing peace and so easily he had found it.

Smiling silently to himself his stomach became solid again.


I feel better now