Tongiht was good. NOw is good.
I went to Garys trailor/house as I did in the distant past. Like highschool. It was wierd. Memories crept up as I walked to different parts of it.
I walked into a now furnished livingroom and remembered the time when there was nothing in there except ourselves. We would sit on the floor with our drinks and talk forever.
I walked into the bathroom to take a piss and remembered the time there was a girl over and I got horney. So I took some of Gary's porn and masterbated in it.
I thought of the different rooms and the people who used to live in them. Now they are gone, gone forever. Mike moved out, he was the last to go. Then there was, GOD, I cant even remember their names. But they were major parts of my existence at one time. Now they are just way to faded memories, but even without names I can still take a second and remember what they ment to me. My only true friends.
I smile when I think of what it was like back then. It was so hard, and now it is so easy. Life now is so dull, not sharp like it was back then. Everything mattered. Now, nothing matters.
On the drunken drive home, I remembered the drive I took so many other times before. In my Jeep, in my Firebird. Eons passed between the time between my Jeep and Firebird. That was my life.
Now, everyones grown up. We all have serious jobs or college. Back there nothing had changed. I was comforted in a past time.
But its now time to move toward the future. Im almost out of school for the semester. Just another week, then a week of finals And its all over.
What then, a month of videogames. Is that all I will have?Reality changes to a dream.
Now, I feel good, later I will feel not as good as this.
Maybe looking at the past and future is not the answer.
Looking at now is the key to happinesss.
Like the time it takes for the moon to come from behind the clouds and shine on a lake. A moment.
I havent written lately. There really hasnt been an emotion to motivate me to.
Sometimes things can be so messed up with my mind going everywhere and things
that need to be done and I wont have any time to think or meditate. Now I have
a lot of time so theres no emotions I have to hide.
But, eventually things will get crammed again. I just need to remember to allow myself time to stop. Get out of the house, do something not related to anything else, this is the answer.