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Sometimes problems come before you. You prepare your hardest to face them head on. You train and train, sharpen your mind to attack this problem. The stress takes its toll, you find yourself crumbling eventually. At one time you were so optimistic but as the days move on your mind becomes dull and unwilling to see the future with a bright tone.

The problem you prepared and sacrificed so much for comes. It is just an event. It passes.


I can't get this story out of my head:

One day a great swordsman challenged an inferior opponent to a fight to the death. The inferior man, accepted, not at all afraid. With a serious face he swore to beat the supiror swordsman with only a simple boat oar.

A morning mist crept across the lake early in the morning as the two warriors boarded the boat and began to row to the island upon which one would die. The great swordsman remained deathly serious, he stared at the water with eyes cold and mouth like stone. His hands gripped his sword unmoving. The inferior fighter seemed not at all like the great one. He whistled jovially and commented many times on what a fine day it was.

The boat reached the island, immediatly the seasoned veteran jumped off the boat and drew his sword. In this very instant the lesser fighter drew an oar up and pushed the boat off the shore. The great fighter was left alone on the island.


Sometimes victory is easier than it seems at first.


Wow, Im just living on the weekends now. My weekdays are zombie like, they flash piece of work to another, a continual cycle of focus on work.

Now its just me, hehe, those things called friends, you have to maintain them. You have to water them like plants or they just go away. Its kind of depressing I suppose.

Ive never had these feelings of lonliness before. Ive always been a self contained unit or so I thought.

Im not sure where Im going with this, these few hours between work, just depressing....


Yay, I ordered a laptop. I cant wait to get it. Then I will be able to program in places other than my room. I might even get to go outside!


Life is hell. Living is learning to be happy in hell.